Are you thinking about getting a divorce?
Are you being asked to get a divorce?
Are you going through a divorce?
Have you been through a divorce?
Are you trying to avoid getting divorced?
If you answered yes to any of these questions then you are going to need support. I’m not saying I’m the right counselor for you because I swear, I am blunt, I get to the source of the issue quickly, I use my intuitive gifts to guide our sessions, and I get massive results. If you don’t believe in a sixth-sense then don’t work with me. If you think you can fix yourself, then don’t work with me. If you think a life-coach or another counselor can do a better job, then don’t work with me. I only work with people who are betting on their future and not afraid of the money they have to spend to get there. So, if you are ready heal the root causes that ruined your marriage then, I will work with you.
Talk to me. Tell me your Story.
Tell me your story. And I will show you how it can be rewritten.
Divorce isn’t something that happens overnight. Most people know the statistic that about half of first marriages end in divorce and about two thirds of second marriages end in divorce. But, when you find someone you want to be with, this statistic isn’t a deterrent. In fact, in the beginning, it’s a reason to think “This won’t happen to us.” “We are stronger than that.” So, you have a wedding or you go to the courthouse and go about the business of getting married, moving in together, negotiating careers, managing the household, and blending families.
It bears mentioning that people get together for a variety of reasons. Those who stay married aren’t necessarily happy and not being happy is simply unacceptable for a majority of people. Keep in mind that more people are in the pursuit of happiness than are actually happy. So, what does all this have to do with divorce?
Simply, if you work backwards to your ideas and ideals around what a marriage was and is supposed to be, you will uncover your standards, expectations, and suppositions. Every motivational speaker out there will tell you these two things, “You need to know your why and the only way things work is when you turn your shoulds into a must.” Divorce is inevitable if you got married because that is what you felt you should do.
So, the beginning of divorce starts with discomfort. It can show up as fear of missing out (FOMO). The internal narrative can be subtle, “Maybe I picked the wrong person.” For some it begins as something they can ignore yet for other’s they knew long before the wedding that getting married was a mistake. In either case, time passes and momentum builds towards separations.
More time is spent arguing. Some people choose affairs. Others choose to work longer hours. And the dream of growing old together begins to fade. Then, someone pulls the trigger and is the first to threaten divorce. Some people just come home to an empty house as one person made the decision to move out. There is no turning back.
People often wait until crisis hits to go to couples counseling. It’s rare that people work on acquiring the skills needed to nurture a healthy relationship. This is what some call the tipping point. Both parties are despondent, some are at war with each other, both want their points validated, and they hire their therapist to be a referee.
Of course, therapists are trained to reflect back dysfunctional thoughts, words, and actions. Some therapist will give homework, suggest books to read, or offer advice on how to spice up sex. Nonetheless, this doesn’t change the statistic. Couples still breakup and explode their lives.
Those who successfully come back from the edge of divorce are those who find greater meaning and purpose in their life. This is why religious counseling can be effective. But, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the couple creating the relationship is happy. In fact, happiness is a misnomer because it is a moving target. What made you happy in your late twenties won’t be the same as what makes you happy in your later years.
That is to say, that priorities shift over the years. This is true for single people as well as the more time spent alive means a greater accumulation of experiences, which can also mean getting more set in our ways.
So, how do you make the decision to choose divorce or to choose to stay married?
It takes two people to make a marriage work and only one to destroy it. You may be the person wanting out. You may be the person wanting to stay in. Statistics show that men who get married want to stay married but are more likely to have affairs if they are unsatisfied or feel emasculated. Women have been shown to stay in a relationship for financial reasons—especially if they are lacking the skill set to make a living. The factors involved in divorcing can be unique but the outcome is always the same—devastation.
Appreciation for what you have is often the tool that shifts a relationship from a dark place back into the light. But, staying together is not always the right thing to choose.
It takes time to evaluate the benefit verses the losses. This is not a rational process. And it requires logistics. Each party has to take into account assets, time spent married, the shift in family structure, damage to the kids, living situations, and more. The more is often if you need lawyers, arbitrators, mediators, and a parenting plan.
On an emotional level, grief will set in which means a range of emotions will cloud judgments.
What do you do next?
You hire me. Simple as that.
Lawyers handle your divorce. I teach you how to handle everything else.