"Grief does not cause pain, it clears it."
When my clients choose to work with me, they step over the first threshold that has all of us in its grips--survival. Finances cause many of us undo stresses. We worry about our bills being paid, if our jobs are a waste of our time, and we long for wealth, abundance, and prosperity as the keys to freedom.
Of course, there are other aspects of life that bring us grief such as divorce, the loss of a loved one or pet, and feeling like we don't belong on earth. Financial stress and the stress that arises after we experience a loss have one thing in common and that is that both of them trigger our survival instincts. We loose sight of what matters and spiral out of control.
Some people start drinking more to numb the pain. Others double down on their dysfunctional habits. Most of us cling to the painful past because it's familiar an a little less frightening than the unknown future.
What we don't realize is that the process of grief is our ally and not our enemy. It helps us remove what no longer serves us. It loosens our worn out attachments. It helps us reflect on how we are living our lives and how we want to be living our lives.
My parents have been dead for half of my life. And honestly, after all this time, I'm glad they died legends in their 50's. They didn't die while living and leave me to care for rotting bodies with tempestuous souls. In fact, as time has passed, their death has taught me to live. But, I've had to grieve first.
I gave my 30's to the grief process. At first I tried to escape it as most of us do. I drank a little, then I immersed myself in my Masters program, and then I tried to date someone who was more of a poison than medicine. Grief has also healed that relationship because after 7 years apart from one another and me using our breakup to fuel me becoming the author of Breakup Rehab, we reunited as comrades. He spent the night with me. We made out. He let me know what I taught him. And the cycle completed with a sense of fondness between us.
In fact, grief is a cycle as well as a process. The gift of grief is that it results in acceptance, which is synonymous with forgiveness. We let ourselves have the experience of life without judging it. And in time, we begin to notice that grief is a visitor that comes to clean up our lives. It is there to clear the clutter and create fresh soil for new dreams to germinate and blossom.
However, when we are in pain, the chances of us fully processing our grief are slim. That is why you hire me. You hire someone who has walked the path, knows the tools, and can teach you exactly what you need so that you can experience the freedom on the other side of grief.
I offer my clients a very specific and tailored education. Henceforth, I require a tuition fee of $9000/6 month or $1500/month to be your professor and impart all the knowledge and wisdom required to live a happy and healthy life.
It's the best money you will ever spend because you will be getting an education on embracing freedom and living the life you want to live before you die!
We all want to feel "good". So why does feeling lonely feel so "bad"? Let's walk through the sequence of events that results in the feeling of being lonely.
Loneliness is rooted in us facing ourselves. We are searching for something permanent; some reassurance that our life is valid. And our self-concept is derived from our interactions with others. We require reflection to determine if our life is indeed valid. So, when we experience loneliness we are facing impermanence. We are staring into the void.
The vastness of our souls as connected to infinite time and space are juxtaposition to the mortal body we inhabit. In fact, many of us choose to live between worlds by using substances that numb our bodies. We are attempting to make the limitations of the flesh diffuse. So, we smoke, drink, and manipulate our nervous system with food and drugs. Our orgasms often ride the edges of trading bliss for injury. That is to say, we give of our life force in order to feel vital. It's the great paradox.
So, loneliness is a symptom of an existential awakening. It's aches.
And if we place ourselves in the witness seat, we observe our impulses, we will become aware of how we react to pain. Most of us will attempt to fill the void. To this point, I witnessed myself binge watching a TV show called "Affair". And I was watching it as a form of socialization. It was the closest to "touch" that I could muster.
And loneliness comes in many forms. It shows up when we are single as the lack of touch. It shows up as resentment when we are married but with a partner who is blinded by their self-preservation. It presents as self-abandonment or rejection when we expect more from ourselves than our lives than we have invested. In other words, we feel like losers because we are not "getting the results" we want. But, this preoccupation with outcomes often results in repeating the process over and over. We become encapsulated by our disassociations and become identified with the narrative that "I'm the only one lost inside my life." This hurts so we make ourselves busy and further reinforce the existential split from creation.
Now is where I tell you how to face loneliness.
You must create. You must dance. You must paint. You must write. You must participate in the vital production of art. You must create more than you consume. Because creative energy always replenishes the person doing the creating. It is how we reconcile the void. It's how we make sense of life.
And on a practical note, people who use drug to try to escape life have failed themselves. They become consumed by the void and treat loneliness as an enemy instead of an ally. When you intend on living life to the fullest, then you divorce these zombies. And if you catch yourself becoming a zombie, then you snap out of it through movement.
Loneliness is awareness of your existence. If you deny this awareness, you deny your life. You invalidate your existence.
So, the next time the ache of loneliness rises inside of your body, create. Don't reach for you lover. Don't drink alcohol. Don't get lost in nostalgia.
Instead, be with yourself. Sit inside the vastness of your pure potential. Stay there until you feel and understand that the essence of life is love. Love is infinite. It is a wellspring. Breath.
You will die. Rest in this fact.
Loneliness is asking you to make a deeper commitment to your life.
Face it. And smile.
If you need guidance to alchemize pain, please reach out to me. I'm one of a few people on this planet that can help you embrace freedom now.