Helping Our Helpers
ARE YOU GETTING THE HELP YOU NEED?
What does “self-care” even mean? I’ll tell you what it normally sounds like, “Congratulations, you wiped your own ass, do you want an award?” Or it’s selfies of our feet while we take a bath and post it to show everyone that we are “relaxing.” No we are not, we are not soaking quietly with your phone on silent because the whole time you are soaking, you are like, “I need to do the laundry, check me email, scroll, scroll, what should I eat for dinner, I’m fat, I’m not lovable…..” and to shut that all up we fuck with our phones. And that’s just the ground level. But, there is a special kind of hell that goes along with being a nurse, doctor, lawyer, therapist, coach, civil servant, and “helper”.
That hell entails never being able to fully take care of ourselves on all levels because we run on caffeine and imposter syndrome. Fuck, some of us are fancy and run on Adderalll and Lexapro mixed with spurts of mental health days. The point is that helpers are overworked and under-resourced but somehow because we “know how to help” we should know how to “help ourselves.”
Don’t get me started on the ironies and paradoxes that exist within the “Mental Health” system. Oftentimes, the system is worse than the clients and filled with “half-healed” people who burn themselves out to fund a life they don’t even like. But, “leaving corporate America to live in a van” isn’t the answer. It’s a temporary solution to long-standing issues.
So let’s talk about the solutions.
After ten years helping “hurt people”, I know that the only people I can truly help are the helpers. 98% of the “recovery” community will remain addicts with overdose deaths on the rise. I can’t help that population and remain healthy myself. No one can. I had a supervisor tell me, “You have to be kinda sick to do this job.” Veterans clinics are so overloaded many people slip through the cracks and kill themselves because support couldn’t be accessed. I can’t help them either. One in six women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime. Many of them will go on to be sex-workers and continue to be brutalized by men. I can’t break that beast of a cycle. There are a lot of things I can only scratch the surface of: Homelessness, poverty, politics, racism, and homophobia to name a few.
The helpers are the ones who collectively choose to be responsible for the woes of the
The thing about being a helper, is you have to prioritize getting help. You have to actively seek it. You have to feed yourself. And most importantly, we are meant to graduate our roles as helpers because we heal ourselves of the need to fix others. We find different footing that guides us along “less traveled” roads. And I am here to guide you along this long, winding, and at times “fucked up” path.
Reach out and get the help you need!
"I work too much." That is how a gentleman introduced himself when we were going around the table at a network meeting. Contrast that to the "Worship of the Hustle" that teaches us to "out-work" the other guy.
Factually speaking, some jobs are more stressful that others. And all jobs are stressful in that some don't pay well but also don't require intense effort. Other career paths take a decade of dedication in order to obtain a livable salary that results in owning assets. And then there are all the "in-between" or "on the way there" jobs we take that we hate but "pay the bills".
So, in our ever shifting economic climate, is work-life balance circumstantial or can it be intentional?
That depends on how you measure success.
If you care about getting enough sleep, drinking clean water, working out daily, and having meaningful relationships, then what you do for an income won't be conflated with who you are. It may be how other people identify you, but because your identity is not dependent on your work performance, chances are you will naturally invest more of your focus into your life outside the job.
Conversely, if work becomes who you are, then overworking is can seem like a measure of success. Further, senior positions in a company come with a greater sense of responsibility for the well-being of the company; neverminded the sacrifices we make to ensure that.
Rather than parse apart all the nuances involved with the variety of avenues of income, let's focus on what you can do immediately to have work/life balance.
1. Understand balance does not mean equal. It means quality over quantity. The example of this being that if work requires 12 hours of your day and your focus, then you plan how to extend your focus to the other 2-4 hours you will be awake for that day. Most of us want to numb out, and balance in these areas requires a plan.
2. You have a support system such as family, friends, or community groups that hold you accountable for "doing the most" without overdoing it. The best way to fine-tune having work-life balance is to hire a coach that can help you audit your habits so you can be more aware of what is functional for your lifestyle.
3. Have a spiritual practices such as prayer, listening to educational podcasts, or going to a place of worship 1x a week. This will be something that can renew you when you are feeling depleted.
Of course, there are many suggestions about how to be sexy, have a great relationship, and how to make six-figures. But, who cares if that's not what you care about! It's up to you to find the balance in your work-life balance that works for you and not against you.
Let's explore next steps together! Text "Freedom" to 303-917-7226 to schedule a free consultation.
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I'll do my best to write about real world issues that stress us out and provide solutions to manage life successfully.